I feel really sad today. I still feel like I have broken yet another person’s heart and made a life miserable. This guy thought he had found the one who was going to live with every day, the person who was going to move on in life with him to make a happy. Unfortunately, I was probably just stringing him along because it felt right in the short term, but I knew it wasn’t right in the long-term.
I wrote about this last post and things are still going on. I’ve blocked him in every way can, but he turned up on my doorstep last night to talk. I couldn’t really turn away because he was crying and I live in an apartment with people around and it would have been really embarrassing, so I let him in and it took three hours before he went.
What was really tragic as today my iMac screen got trashed. By my own temper I should add. Just before he came round, I was looking for an iMac 21.5 screen replacement on Google and found this screen that seemed to fit my needs, and he walked in in the middle of that. It was horrible because I was trying to be sincere and honest with him, while all the time being more concerned about a computer screen.
It made me feel really bad because I was juxtaposing two completely different things in my life.
So last night was a story of love and iMac screen replacement hell, on my version of Earth. It was a tragi-comedy where half of me was trying to make things easier for this guy crying in front of me and having a broken heart caused through my insincerity, while at the same time I was only half listening to him because I was thinking about the prices I had seen and where the local stores were that could do the screen repair on my beloved Mac.
And on top of that, I was wondering what sort of person that made me. Because surely I should have been engrossed in his upset and not in how I was going to get my iMac sorted out. It’s almost ridiculous, but at the end of the day he’s moving out of my life, whereas I need the computer for work.
Does that make me an evil person or does it make me a human being moving on my life being ambushed by somebody who isn’t? Or is it that he thought he was moving on in life, but with a person who never occurred with him?